Rebirth of Sorrow: Soul guide for dummies!
by LordAce1213 aka Blitz9684
Summary: So Laura Cruz and Andrew Arikado are stuck in Castlevania. Laura has the abilities of the enemies she defeats but...do these things come with an instruction manual? Luckily, yes they do! Rated M for safety, written for Rebirth of Sorrow.
1. Chapter 1

**CASTLEVANIA: Soul guide for dummies**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own castlevania or anything related except for my original characters from "Rebirth of Sorrow"

Andrew: What's this about anyway?

Blitz: Well you know all of those souls Laura collected? And all of the trouble some of them caused you?

Andrew: Yeah...?

Blitz: Well let's let our readers know how that worked out for you guys.

Andrew: Oh God...

Chapter 1: Crazy cat lady

"Yo, Laura." Andrew asked, grabbing the attention of the silver haired protagonist.

"What is it, Andrew?"

"Can you explain this?" Andrew swept his arm across the safe room where the duo, their butler Boneson, and Justice the Cerberus lived. There were white cats everywhere, and because he doesn't particularly care for cats, and Boneson was well...Boneson, he knew only one person could be responsible. The heir to the power of dominance herself.

"Aren't they cute?" Laura asked cheerfully.

"Well I guess but...where did they come from?"

"I made them!"

"You...made them?" This conversation was getting a little weird, even for someone who is the heir to Death's power. Andrew tried not to think too hard about this.

"Care to explain?"

"Well you know when we passed by those student witches? Remember how I beat them down?" Earlier that day, Andrew and Laura had come across a training grounds for witches. Andrew couldn't bring himself to harm those ladies, so Laura got in some extra combat practice.

"Yeah, what does have to do with anything?"

"I absorbed a few of their souls! Look!" Laura swept her arm, and out of thin air came another cat.

"Uhh, that's nice and all but-" Andrew didn't get to finish however, as Laura had a brilliant idea.

"Here, I'll make you one." She swept her arm again, and this time a black cat came out. Laura held it up to Andrew, smiling.

"See? He's glaring, just like you always do after a long day. He's just the thing to lift your spirits!" What Laura didn't take into account, was that by offering a black cat to a BLACK MAN, she was inadvertently insulting him.

"Umm, thanks...but-" He was about to point this out, but Laura had already left to play with the other kittens, leaving him with the new cat.

"...Well you are kind of cute, I guess." He said while the cat mewled cutely.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own castlevania, and I definitely don't own Key and Peele's new show.

Chapter 2: Watch out for nosy ghosts!

Andrew had managed to get his phone working again somehow, and was using this rare chance he had to talk with some of the other agents he worked with.

"So she says to me that she wants to go back a bit longer so she could collect ANOTHER une soul, never mind the fact that that might be the most useless power she could gain dominance over!"

"_Really? Wow man I feel bad for you."_ His friend on the other end of the phone said, laughing as he said it though.

"Yeah man...wait hold on, I'm gonna relocate." Andrew pressed the hold button.

"Boneson? I'm gonna head out to the balcony, if Laura shows up again let her know that's where I am, okay?"

"Of course, Master Andrew. Dinner will be ready soon so could you make this quick? Before your plate gets cold?"

"Yeah, thanks man." Andrew stated before heading out to the balcony, which in his and Laura's case was the entrance to the castle. He pressed hold on his phone again, continuing the conversation.

"Sorry about that."

Meanwhile, Laura had returned from her errands in the grand library where she gained dominance over a new soul, the ghost soul. She read her father's notes on this soul, which Andrew was smart enough to ask for before they ventured inside...just in case.

"Hmm, separate from the body to do recon? Hey Boneson? Could you keep an eye on my body for me?" She asked. The skeleton butler stared at her for a moment.

"Lady Laura? What do you mean?"

"I'm just testing out a new soul, it involves an out of body experience."

"Ah, very good, young miss."

"Hey, where's Andrew? I wanna mess with him while I'm at it." She added.

"He said he would be over on the balcony, I believe he was on the phone." Laura jumped up at this.

"Wonder who he's talking to? A friend? Ooh, maybe it's a girl?" She got jumpy with excitement. She decided to make her way over to the couch and sat down, she activated the ghost soul, which made a white ball of mist appear from her body. Her body fell limp on the chair while the ball floated out.

Now back to Andrew.

"Man I'm telling you, this girl might just end me before this journey does!" Andrew could be heard shouting. Ghost Laura noticed this and floated right behind him, apparently he was unable to notice any power coming from her so as long as she stayed out of sight, she would be fine.

"Right...no not all girls are like that, But Laura can be crazy sometimes."

'Crazy?' Laura thought to herself, she was getting mad. If she were able she would have yanked Andrew's ponytail right off.

"Travis, I'm telling you, I looked this woman in her eyes and-" He stopped to look around, then knelt down and began to whisper into his phone.

"(I said BITTTTCCCCCHHHHHH! I'm not trying to stay out here all night.)" Laura was fuming when she heard this. First of all, Andrew never said anything of the sort. Second, how dare he? He's gonna get it. Laura retreated back into her own body and waited for her guilty victim to return.

"Oh, Laura! You're back already?" He asked innocently. 'Nice try' Laura thought to herself.

"Yeah, and I got a new soul too! The ghost soul, care to read the entry my dad has on it out loud?" Laura asked, shoving the book into Andrew's hands. Confused, he began to read.

"The Ghost soul allows one to separate from their body and move about freely without being detected. This is especially useful for reconnaissance...oh crap..." He said before looking into Laura's very angry eyes.

"So...you said BITTTTCCCCCHHHHHH! Huh?" She shouted at him, causing him to cower in fear. Boneson would never forget the night he had to pry Lady Laura away from Master Andrew to stop her from strangling the poor man to death. Nor did he forget Lady Laura's attempt to bury Master Andrew under a pile of bones. He especially did not forget having to treat the burns on Master Andrew after Laura decided to just cremate the reaper incarnate.

The moral of the story? Use code words if you're gonna call someone a bitch, even if you're the grim reaper incarnate, and especially if the person you are calling a bitch is the heir to the dark lord's power.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Edge Maverick: Blitz doesn't own Castlevania, or Star ocean: The last Hope

Bloodstorm Revolution

It had been a long day, what with dealing with Chaos and the Ice dragon, but now our heroes were going to retreat back to their headquarters. On the way though Laura, our beloved protagonist, had a question for her scythe wielding compatriot.

" Andrew! That thing you did with your scythe! It was pretty cool, y'know?" She shouted in his ear.

"Yeah...and I do appreciate the praise, but after eleven times it gets to be-"

"You should give that move a name!" Laura interrupted.

"...Uh, okay? Um, how about 'Death's ballad?'" Andrew suggested. Laura stopped dead in her tracks and glared at him.

"What?"

"That sounds so sissy, try again." Laura demanded, arms crossed.

'But it's MY move' Andrew thought to himself, but decided against voicing this grievance.

"Uh...ok, how does 'Bloodstorm Revolution' sound?" He tried again.

"Better, 'Bloodstorm Revolution' has a nice ring to it! ~Bloodstorm Revolution~" Laura began to sing, Andrew sighed and hoped she would be too tired to speak when they got back.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, on the Spacecraft "Calnus"<p>

"Ah-CHOO!" Arumat P. Thanatos sneezed loudly.

"What's wrong, Arumat?" A blue haired Cat-girl known as 'Meracle' asked him. She had been bugging Araumat for quite some time now, and no matter how many times he tried to get away from her, she would still pester him.

"...I think I might be allergic to cats." He lied, though you wouldn't be able to tell based on his cool demeanor.

"Allergic to cats? No wonder you try so hard to get away from Meracle." Edge commented, entering the lounge area.

"Aww, but I really wanted to play with Arumat again today!" Meracle pouted. Though what Meracle called 'Arumat playing with her', Arumat called 'attempted euthanization'. He had tried to slice her up repeatedly, only to be rewarded with tips on how to play tag, he tried confining himself to the training room, which Meracle thought was 'hide and seek', and the worst time was when he was taking a shower and realized that a blue tail had just handed him the soap bar. Meracle didn't think this was a game, she just thought it would be good for the two of them to get to know each other better. This resulted in a very irate and very wet Arumat tossing the blue fuzzball out of the men's bathroom, followed by some very colorful language that Lymle found it funny to repeat to Edge.

"No buts, Meracle. I'm sure Arumat is just as sad as you are, it looked like you two always had so much fun." Edge said, pushing Meracle away from Arumat. You wouldn't know it by looking at him, but on the inside the tall Eldarian was jumping for joy and dancing, happy to finally be rid of the blue kitty. Arumat smiled and went back to his duties as weapons manager.


	4. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **Blitz: I don't own Castlevania...I'm pretty sure I lost the rights to my lunch too...

That's just...wrong...

Laura Cruz was hungry, the kind of hungry that made people contemplate eating whatever they can find in her pockets, edible or not. She was absolutely tortured by the fact that Andrew had insisted that they do a full investigation of the tombs before going back for dinner.

"It's because we both know we won't feel like it after we eat, so let's just knock this out while we're in the mood, okay?" He explained, however Laura wasn't in the mood EITHER way, but she was too hungry to complain.

"...Are we done yet?" She whined for what felt like the thirtieth time.

"No...shouldn't killing all of these ghouls be making you sick to your stomach?" Andrew replied, trying to reason with his partner. But for some reason the rotting carcasses just made Laura even hungrier. She just assumed that the ghoul soul gave her an unbelievable appetite.

She didn't realize how bad it was until, after chopping several of said ghouls into tiny pieces, that she looked over at a piece of rotting flesh and suddenly felt her mouth water.

"Uhh...this might not be so good..." She said to herself, but despite her words she was advancing on the rotten meat.

"Umm, well maybe one bite wouldn't hurt...and I AM getting desperate..." She added. Andrew didn't really care about it but he did turn around to see what Laura was muttering to herself about.

"Huh?" He whispered when he saw Laura kneel and pick up a piece of rotten meat. After a quick sniff Laura smiled cheerfully and took a big bite. A loud squishing and gnashing noise echoed in Andrew's ears.

"Aw, what the...? Mother...blech!" He retched, that was probably the most disgusting thing he'd ever seen.

"Yummy!" Laura shouted before taking another bite, she was chewing away happily when she looked over at Andrew.

"Do you want a bite? You must be hungry too..." She offered, not realizing a piece of flesh was hanging from the side of her mouth.

"You...you got a little...oh boy...!" He replied after looking back at her, but began holding his own stomach.

"C'mon, it's actually kind of good!"

"H-how are you eating that? Did you absorb a ghoul soul?"

"A few actually. Now c'mon, open up and say 'Ah!'"

"No freakin way!"

"Aww, don't be such a wimp...! Stop squirming!"

While the two scuffled the note on souls they had fell to the side, opening to a certain page.

"Ghoul soul: This soul grants the user the ability to stomach foods that normally would be impossible to keep down as well as foods that would not even be considered by regular standards. Use only in emergencies." It read. Echoes of Andrew's pained screaming and Laura's teasing could be heard throughout the catacombs, all because of a bit of an appetite.


	5. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** Blitz: I'm really getting tired of repeating myself...I don't own anything, but if I DID I'd-

Laura: You can stop now, your rants are annoying after a while.

Something's up

Kokoro Belmont was no idiot when it came to noticing things, she was able to tell when an enemy was lurking near her, she was also able to find hidden meanings to the things people said. This is why she immediately felt suspicious when Laura and Andrew would suddenly speak to each other in hushed voices; or how Laura would wake up in the middle of the night, check to see if Kokoro was asleep, then go wake Andrew up. They would then walk out to who knows where and wouldn't come back until a few minutes before day (or at least day as far as they could tell, if it weren't for the watch Andrew keeps with him no one would know what time it was...being on the moon and all). And if she tried to get an answer out of them as to why they were acting so strange, Laura would laugh and Andrew would play it off somehow. It was beginning to worry her, with the recent change Laura went through it was a good idea to investigate any changes in her personality. And as far as Andrew went, his dark power was already enough to worry about.

"Hey, Boneson?" Kokoro asked one day, after the two went off on one of their excursions again.

"How may I help you, Lady Kokoro?" He replied in his usual Boneson demeanor.

"Laura and Andrew have been acting kind of strange for a while, any ideas as to why?" She asked, Boneson laughed to himself before answering.

"It should be fairly obvious, milady. But I'm afraid it would be uncouth for me to speak on their personal matters. Perhaps you should ask them yourself?" He suggested, hoping that Kokoro would get the picture.

"Hm...did they ever say anything you might have overheard?" So much for that.

"All they ever said to me was that they were planning something, I'm afraid I don't know anything beyond that." Kokoro was getting really worried now, they were planning something that she didn't know about.

"Thanks, I'll go talk to them." She said before getting ready to set out. She got on her usual battle gear, a brown corset with an armor plated white blouse underneath. Her pants were tied at the top of her legs, allowing easy movement. She wore brown leggings with a diamond cut opening for some reason with brown boots under brown leg warmers, most of her clothing was adorned with little golden triangles for whatever reason. She kept her trademark scarf and gloves though. She got the vampire-killer and set off to find her friends.

It had been a little under a week since Laura had undergone vampirism, and it looked like she was turning for the worst as far as her secrecy was concerned. Andrew...well Kokoro always had her suspicions about him anyway. She didn't want to believe it, but it looked like the two were finally turning themselves in to the darkness. It didn't take long for her to find the two of them, they were sitting at the balcony again. They had been going there for a little while on their own, the monsters weren't a problem for them anymore so it seemed like the safest place to talk. Kokoro stood back behind a pillar, close enough to hear, but not be heard. Her hiding spot was perfect.

"So about what we were talking about yesterday." Laura began to speak, and Kokoro stopped breathing to get a better hear.

"Yeah? What about it?"

"What if someone finds out about us? Then our plan would be ruined...and we wouldn't want that, now would we?" She added, leaning in closer to Andrew.

"Well if they found out, we would just have to make them keep their mouths shut." Andrew replied, smirking darkly. 'Oh man...they really ARE evil!' Kokoro thought to herself, holding back a cry of anger.

"I'm glad you're the one I'm talking this out with, Andrew..." Laura sighed as she leaned in even closer to Andrew, who put his arm around her as a result. Kokoro couldn't watch anymore, so she jumped out, vampire killer at the ready.

"You two! I thought you two weren't going to go evil?" She shouted, Laura looked surprised while Andrew just laughed.

"I was wondering when you were going to jump out like that, having fun eavesdropping?" He asked tauntingly.

"What's this plan of yours, huh? And why do you need to silence anyone who hears of it?" Kokoro shouted.

"Wow...scar-ee~" Andrew teased.

Meanwhile, on the spacecraft 'Diplo'.

"Ah-CHOO!...ugh, sorry bout that, chief." Cliff Fitter apologized to his blue haired boss, who wasn't very happy about being sneezed on after getting over a cold. Maria didn't respond, instead she pulled out the laser gun she used to fight with and took aim. 'Scar-ee' Cliff thought to himself before high-tailing it.

Back to Castlevania. Kokoro was ready to slay her dark infected friends before Laura spoke up.

"Well our plan is kind of a private matter...but I guess we could tell you." She said happily. Kokoro, still ready for battle, nodded so that Laura could explain.

"You see, me and Andrew want to go on vacation for a while once we get back home...but we need an excuse or neither my parents or Mr. Arikado will go for it." She explained. Kokoro lowered her weapon in a confused state.

"What? Why do you two need to go on vacation?"

"Well, it's more of a getaway than anything else." Andrew added, shrugging with a nonchalant look on his face.

"I'm not sure I follow, why do you two need to be so discreet about going off toget...her?" Kokoro asked, getting the picture as she said it.

"I think she's catching on, Laura." Andrew joked, arm still around Laura.

"Are you two...seeing each other...?" Kokoro asked, eyes twitching of embarrassment. When Laura reached over for Andrew and kissed him, Kokoro got the answer she needed.

"Um...so you AREN'T going to take over the world?" She asked.

"Hell no, that takes effort...I'd rather not put much effort into much of anything...ah, except you sweetie!" Andrew joked when he saw the glare on Laura's face, then sighed with relief when she smiled again.

"Um...well this is embarrassing...sorry guys." Kokoro apologized.

"It's cool, hey...if you find a date you can come along too, you know? I'm not sure how much I can go without SOME female interaction." Laura suggested, while her boyfriend rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, maybe I'll do that!" Kokoro said happily, glad that she didn't have to kill her friends.

* * *

><p>Blitz: And there's another cute little fluff scene for you.<p>

Cliff: Why did I get beat down though?

Blitz: Sorry Cliff, I mean...it was there and...well you can take the hits! I played til the end of time.

Cliff: I guess I'll take that as a compliment.


	6. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything, really...ask anyone

Laura: Why are you telling them about this?

Blitz: Hey, the same thing happened to your dad.

Soma: It's true, it's embarrassing but funny.

Laura: It's different for me though!

A/N: This was sitting in my hard drive for a while, I meant to upload this earlier.

Doppelganger Dummies

"Huh? What's that doing there?" Andrew asked, pointing at a strange statue in front of them.

"Dunno, but it looks like something's inside." Laura pointed out, it was true though, there was a silver light glowing from within the statue.

"Wait, doesn't it look kind of like a soul?" She asked, Andrew just stared at her for a while. He'd made it clear several times that he can't see souls at all, and her constant asking didn't make him feel like he was getting through to her at all.

"What did I say about souls, Laura?" He asked, eye twitching again.

"Oh right, you can't see them...but it's so pretty..." Laura answered with a disappointed look on her face. For all of his bragging about how his abilities of perception were top notch, Laura found it hard to believe he couldn't sense souls. Eventually she just chalked it up as something only she could notice.

"Ah well, time for a new power!" She said happily as she attacked the stone monument with her rapier. Unfortunately for her, she didn't realize that stone was just as tough as it looked, so her attack did little damage.

"Um, why would you attack with your sword if you know it's not gonna do anything?" Andrew asked; yeah, he taught her how to use the sword, but she wasn't the strongest of fighters, and this was a RAPIER she was using!

"Shut up! Let me try again!" Laura shouted, making another lunge at the statue. Again, nothing happened. Laura quickly turned to Andrew, who was about to say something.

"I told you to shut up, so stay quiet!" She yelled before taking another shot. Andrew closed his mouth again, he was beginning to wonder if it was that time of the month. He made a quick mental note to watch out for the middle of the month, and while he was choosing his next words carefully, Laura managed to crack the statue.

"See? Just a little bit more and this soul is mine, could you get out the guide and turn to the 'souls within statues' section?" She asked. Andrew, feeling like he nothing better to do at the moment, obliged.

An hour later, Andrew was napping under a nearby tree when he heard Laura shouting with glee.

"Yay! I finally did it!" She yelled with excitement as the soul entered her.

"Hmm...doppelganger, what's the entry on that?" She asked.

"It says that the doppelganger soul allows you to switch between two sets of equipment and soul setup. This can be used to make any battle situation easier...huh, not bad at all!" Andrew explained, then looked at Laura.

"But why didn't you use a soul to bust that statue in the first place?" He added sarcastically. This was rewarded with a bottle of potion being broken over his head. 'Yep, that time of the month alright...maybe we should just call it a day...or week' He thought to himself.

"I'm gonna try this one out, this is gonna be cool!" Laura exclaimed happily, Andrew nodded then turned back to the guide. He noticed a small footnote at the bottom of the page.

"Oh wait a second. 'WARNING: Make sure to be in a safe place when first using the doppelganger soul. You will not be equipped with anything and even your clothes will not be there'...oh shit! Laura?" Andrew read, almost trembling at what he thought was gonna happen. 'I'm afraid to look up' he thought to himself. But after clearing his throat, he began to speak.

"Did you hear what-"

"AHHHH! PERVERT!" Laura shouted, Andrew should have kept his head down. Laura was standing before him in nothing but her bra and panties. Covering herself with one arm, she threw anything she could get her hands on at Andrew with the other. Eventually, she settled on a small rock which promptly down out her scythe wielding partner.

'Yep...we're done for the day...' were his final thoughts before blacking out.


	7. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** This is another drabble that's been lying around in my hard drive, and I don't own anything...for like the twentieth time

Do some work already!

Kokoro looked around the HQ with a scowl on her face. Today was one of those days where the group, despite being stuck in a demonic castle that was based on the moon, really didn't have anything pressing to take care of.

'Grandpa Julius would scream if he saw this...' She thought to herself as she continued to look around. Laura was playing her PSP with the headphones in at full blast, Andrew was snoring away on the couch, and Boneson was trying to keep Justice away from the food supply. Kokoro believed that time not spent on anything productive was time wasted, so this display wasn't settling with her very well.

"Laura...how long have you been playing that game?" She asked her friend, who didn't even notice her. Kokoro leaned in for a closer look and saw what kind of game she was playing. It was a game about a blue jacket wearing hunter wielding a whip traveling with a girl in a pink dress. They were fighting zombies and other demonic creatures, with the hunter using holy based weapons and techniques.

'Why does this seem familiar...?' Kokoro thought to herself before trying to get Laura's attention again.

"Laura!" She shouted, this time Laura turned to face her, blue eyes bloodshot from countless hours of gaming.

"Yeah? What's up?" She asked, and before Kokoro could answer, she turned back to her game.

"Shouldn't you be doing something more productive...? I mean...look at you!" Kokoro shouted. Laura took a look at herself, she hadn't been exactly taking care of appearance lately. Her hair was a mess, and her clothes were wrinkled beyond belief.

"So?" Was all she asked, getting Kokoro to facepalm.

"So, don't you think it would be a good idea to clean up a bit? I mean...it's not good to get in the habit of not tidying up. And what about your training? Shouldn't you be getting stronger?" She asked, trying so hard not to yell.

"I am training! These games help my finger strength, which helps my grip on my sword." Laura said cheerfully. Kokoro figured it was best not to pursue this any further, and instead turned her attention to Andrew.

"Andrew." She said, trying to nudge him awake.

"Fluffy puppies..." He muttered in his sleep. 'What the fuck?' Kokoro thought to herself. She nudged him again, harder this time, waking him up.

"Hunh? Kokoro...?" He asked sleepily, his eyes weren't even fully open yet.

"Isn't there something you can be doing right now? Y'know, other than being lazy?" She asked.

"Err...did you have anything in mind...?" He asked, rubbing his eyes as he did.

This blatant display of laziness was rewarded with a smack over the head.

"Ow! What gives?" He shouted, eyes actually watering up. Kokoro hit him pretty hard, as always.

"It's both you and Laura! We're in Castlevania! This is no time to sit around sleeping or playing video games!" She shouted, turning her attention back to Laura, who was still playing her little game, kicking her feet like a little girl. Kokoro sighed and fell down on the couch next to Andrew.

"This isn't good...we aren't going to be ready for battle if this keeps up!" She whined.

"But isn't rest just as important as training? I dunno about video games but I know for a FACT that people need to sleep!" Andrew explained, slightly annoyed.

"That's true, but this is ridiculous! You have been sleeping all day, Laura's been playing who knows what...Boneson is the only one doing anything useful, and he's just taking care of Justice." Kokoro replied, happy that she could complain about this to someone, even if he wasn't really paying attention.

"Alright...I can see this is actually bugging you, so here's what we'll do..." Andrew began whispering a plan into Kokoro's ear. She got an evil grin across her face, then turned to Andrew, who had an equally evil grin on his face.

A few hours later Laura was running around the HQ turning over every nook and cranny.

"Where is it, where is it, WHERE IS IT?" She shouted, lifting up the couch Andrew was napping on, flipping it over.

"OW! What are you doing?" He shouted, getting the piece of furniture off of him.

"My PSP is gone! I don't know where it went! I sat it down while I went to the bathroom and now it's GONE!" She shouted, Andrew smirked to himself. He and Kokoro went along with a plan to get Laura off of her lazy behind by taking her game away. Of course this was all set up so Andrew could go back to sleep while Kokoro dealt with Laura, but that was besides the point. Now Laura was actively looking for her beloved PSP...which was in Andrew's pocket.

"Maybe you can have Kokoro help you look? I was asleep, so I wouldn't have seen it. She's been wide awake though, so maybe she has some idea where it would be?" He suggested, all according to plan, he thought. Now Kokoro would tell her some crazy story about how it ended up in the transporter room and got zapped to who knows where. He smiled as he began to lie down again on the couch, ready to resume his midday nap.

"Andrew has it." Kokoro said bluntly when Laura asked her about the Playstation. Andrew heard this and went wide-eyed. 'Ohh you bitch...' Andrew thought to himself before turning around. He was dead in the face of a very pissed off Laura Cruz, who looked like she was ready to kill.

"What the hell?" He shouted at Kokoro, who was busy laughing her ass off.

"Now you can both get some much needed exercise, better start running!" She suggested. Andrew didn't have time to respond, because the second he opened his mouth Laura jumped at him. He was able to dodge, so instead of trying to reason with her, he ran outside of the HQ, Laura hot on his trail.

"You're going to PAY for this, Andrew!" She shouted, firing ice spears at him.

"Wait! T-this wasn't my...ow!" Andrew shouted, but was speared in the behind by an ice cold spear. He brushed it off, and continued to run for his life. He didn't know that he could have just handed over the PSP, so this went on for a good couple of hours.

"I guess that's enough exercise for a while, maybe I should tell them to stop?...Nah." Kokoro said aloud while watching her friends in their foolishness. And so that is the story of how Andrew learned to never plot anything with Kokoro, and how Laura learned to never EVER leave her PSP lying around. Kokoro learned that her friends weren't very bright, but this wasn't a problem. It was kind of relaxing, seeing them act that way. She made a quick mental note to mess with them more often like this.


	8. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Castlevania or it's characters...but this ass-whopping was entirely MY idea.

Soma: Help me...I don't wanna go through this...

Arikado: I'm about to say something I hope no one ever hears me say; I'm scared right now...

You idiots have some explaining to do

Castlevania had disappeared, and with it, Laura and Andrew had vanished as well. Soma was clearly distraught over his daughter; but Arikado, despite also being worried for the well-being of his adoptive son, feared a far more frightening task that laid ahead of them.

"We have to tell Mina..." He muttered, shivering a little bit. The normally stoic, calm and collected agent only feared one thing; a woman's wrath. It had been a while since he received a beat down courtesy of the opposite gender, what with Maria being long gone, and he knew for a fact that Mina would not be happy with this bit of information.

Soma also feared his wife's wrath, if he had to make a choice between going into Castlevania without the power of dominance, and dealing with an angry Mina...he'd take his chances in the castle. Yoko noticed the men wuss out, so she decided to throw them a bone.

"I can talk to her, if you two would like me to?" She asked sweetly, at that moment Soma looked like a kid who had just gotten away with changing his report card.

"Yes, thank you, Yoko." He said happily, almost jumping up to give the woman a hug. If anyone could talk to Mina at a time like this, it was the woman she considered a sister, Yoko Belnades.

"Yes, that will make things a lot easier on us all." Arikado added, he too looked relieved. If it had to be described how good the two men felt it would be best to say that it was like taking a dump right after an 8 hour road trip with no bathroom breaks...yes, that good.

But that same feeling was replaced with a sick feeling once again when the three pulled up to Soma's home. The three went towards the front door, with Yoko taking the lead and Soma and Arikado following behind at a safe distance.

Needless to say, when they walked inside Mina was a bit surprised to see that Laura wasn't with them.

"Oh! Soma? Where's Laura?" She asked sweetly. Soma shuddered and kind of nudged Yoko, signaling that it was her cue to talk.

"Hey Mina! Here, why don't you sit down for a second?" Yoko asked kindly, and Mina obliged. Soma and Arikado thought that this was going to go well, until Yoko began to give Mina the situation report.

"And that's what happened." She stated, after telling Mina what was going on. While she was telling her, Mina kept glaring at Soma and Arikado. Mainly at Arikado, if it weren't for him showing up with his bad news every chance he got this wouldn't have happened.

"So what are you all going to do about it? Surely you have a plan?" Mina asked. Yoko was about to answer but her phone started ringing. She excused herself, leaving Mina with the two men.

"Are you going to answer my question, Mr. Arikado?" She asked again, Arikado thought they were home free, but Soma looked close to having an accident. Whenever Mina got some bad news and she talked sweetly like nothing was wrong, Soma knew things weren't good at all.

"Unfortunately, we do not have a plan per se. You see we've already sent in some backup, but we ourselves can't do anything at this point." Arikado explained, much to Soma's chagrin. Soma looked over at him slack-jawed. He couldn't believe what he just heard, he knew it was true, but he also knew not to put it quite like that. Mina turned a bright red, but took a deep breath and stood up.

"Soma? I need to talk to you in the kitchen." She asked, Soma gulped and walked towards his wife. When she turned around to lead him into the kitchen Soma took the chance to throw some comedic air punches at Arikado, mouthing 'Man this is YOUR fault!' Arikado didn't think much of that until he heard a loud crashing coming from the kitchen. He raised an eyebrow and leaned in to get a look. He wasn't able to see much at his angle, but he did catch sight of a frying pan being raised high into the air and it coming back down at high speed. This was accompanied by Soma screaming and crying for his mother, and Mina yelling language and threats that are so disturbing and just overall scary that they couldn't even be entered into this M rated fic. Yes, that bad. Arikado, in all his badass-ness, shuddered. He wondered if Yoko was going to be much longer, Soma was already getting punished, and he was certain he was next. Sure, he COULD go Alucard and save himself, but this was Mina he was talking about. Even his dhampir powers couldn't stand against an angry Mina Cruz. He didn't know how Soma managed to survive putting up with her and her mood swings, but he found he had a newfound respect for him.

"Oh Mr. Arikado?" A sweet voice called from the kitchen. Arikado gulped: it was his turn and he knew it. He considered just not going in, but he felt he had to when he noticed Soma crawling from the kitchen, battered and bruised and even bleeding a little.

"Help...me..." He sputtered, reaching out his hand as if asking Arikado to save him from whatever fate he was sure to suffer later on. Arikado was ready to go over and help his friend, but stopped in his tracks when he saw a foot step on his back...hard.

"We need to talk, could you come in here, please?" Mina asked again. Arikado sighed and walked towards his execution. When he stepped past Soma he bent down and looked at him. He saw all of the pain he had just went through, so he figured there was only one thing he could say to him before suffering the same fate.

"You got knocked the fuck out."

A few hours later Yoko was at the hospital standing over a very pitiful looking Soma Cruz and Genya Arikado.

"It was a business call, I couldn't tear myself away! Just be thankful I got the police off of Mina's back." She explained. Arikado glared at her, and Soma looked ready to kill. Unfortunately, neither men could move because they were in full body casts.

"You sure that was a good idea? You know she's gonna come at us again!" Soma shouted before wincing over in pain. Yoko laughed and just waved before leaving the room. Soma started sobbing and Arikado just sat there in thought.

'I REALLY hope the girl doesn't grow up to be like that at her age...'

* * *

><p>Blitz: Ouch, man I feel bad for those two. If you do too please donate to the 'Soma and Genya relief and recovery fund' We do not accept cash, but cookies will speed up their recovery.<p>

Arikado: Preferably chocolate chip.

Blitz: All you need to do is click that nice little review button at the bottom of the screen and leave a nice little note. With your help we can get Soma and Genya back on their feet and maybe even Mina some anger management classes. Ever since Laura was born she hasn't been the same sweet little Mina we all grew up with...oh no sir!

Soma: Please help us!


	9. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** Blitz: Yep, I'm broke. If I owned Castlevania I wouldn't have to worry about tuition or insurance or supplying my everlasting craving for video games.

Andrew: That's sad man.

Succubus Shenanigans and Target...what could possibly go wrong?

Laura looked inside her purse and sighed, she hadn't collected much money since entering Castlevania. She got even more depressed when she saw how much money Andrew and Kokoro collected. How those two managed to score so much cash was beyond her, though Kokoro usually spent most of her money the day she got it.

The reason Kokoro was always out of money was because she would always enter the storehouse every time she got back with a little change in her pockets. Laura would tag along to window shop, and would always feel a little sad when she got inside. The storehouse was styled like a convenience store; with armor, food, and weapons all in neat little sections. The funny thing was that, along with everything they needed, it sold things people would find in a regular store. There were clothes that people would wear regularly, a couple of electronics, and even things for entertainment. Laura made a mental note to ask Andrew why the Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards were always missing a few packs, she laughed at the idea of her boyfriend being a closet duelist. It didn't bother her, it just showed her he was just as human as she was.

But Laura was still upset, she never had much money of her own, when she was in Castlevania she never bothered to pick up any money she might have gotten beating enemies. That being said, the soul eater ring always taunted her from the most expensive section of the jewelry section. 300,000 was a lot for anyone, and she knew she wasn't going to be seeing any money like that anytime soon. Unless...

"Hey, Andrew?" She asked her lounging partner one day, they had gotten back a few hours ago from another adventure in the castle and were taking a much needed break.

"What's up?" He asked, yawning as he sat up.

"How much money do you have with you?" She inquired sweetly, Andrew narrowed his eyes, then checked his own personal savings.

"I'm looking at about...let's see...about 500,000, give or take. I don't feel like counting it every five seconds." He replied, putting away his money. Laura gasped, 500,000 was a lot...she could get a soul eater ring and more with that kind of money! But an obstacle stood in her way. Andrew was extremely cheap, he wouldn't spend any money unless it was something he deemed he absolutely had to have. Laura had tried pouting cutely and teasing him, but Andrew's grip on his wallet remained tight. When Laura had complained to him one day about whether he cared more about her or his money his response was; 'Don't make me pick, Laura!' She eventually chalked it up as a personality quirk she would just have to put up with.

That was until one day she was turning through the pages of her father's soul guide, checking off any souls she had managed to collect. Rycuda? Check. Hippogryph? Double check. She had a painful experience testing out that one when she got it. Let's just say that later that night Laura was holding an ice pack to her head while Andrew and Boneson tried to fix a hole in the ceiling. Succubus? Check. Then Laura stared at this particular entry. She didn't even knew what that one did, normally she tested any new soul out the second she got it, but that day was different.

"What a handsome young man..." A demonic temptress cooed, brushing up to Andrew. Laura, needless to say, was pissed. Andrew wasn't making much effort to get away either.

"Hey!" Laura shouted, then the succubus scowled at her.

"Leave us, brat!" She shouted at Laura, getting her blood boiling even more.

"Go away, mon!" Andrew said loudly, with a really bad Jamaican accent.

"I'm about to get my groove back!" He added, placing his arm around the monster. That was it, Laura was beyond pissed off. The next few minutes were filled with pained screams and evil yelling, with Andrew cowering in the corner. When Laura was done with the Succubus she went over to Andrew, steam shooting from her ears. When Andrew tried to apologize, he was met with a foot headed towards where every man tried to protect with his life. Needless to say, he was left on the ground, sobbing in pain.

Laura fumed when she thought back to that day, but she did collect the succubus soul. She read the entry Soma had written on it.

'The succubus soul allows one to regain energy by drinking blood. This is achieved by seducing the target using hypnotic powers. Even if not drinking blood, using the hypnosis to make monsters bend to your will can prove useful'. Is what it read. That's when Laura got an evil grin on her face.

"Hey, Andrew? I'm gonna go to the storehouse, wanna tag along?" She asked sweetly, Andrew shrugged and got up, and soon they were in the convenience store like facility. Laura bounced over to the clothing section, dragging Andrew by the arm. She stopped at a particularly cute summer blouse, it was pink with a silver trim.

"Don't you think this would look good on me?" She asked her partner, who just nodded nonchalantly. Laura decided to try it on. She smiled when she looked in the mirror, the blouse complimented her pretty well. It hugged her figure and showed just enough of her chest to leave those who saw her stunned, without being too revealing altogether. Laura had to have it, but she was broke. That's why she brought Andrew long, she thought.

"Hey, what do you think?" She asked Andrew, who seemed like he was barely paying her any mind. She scowled, he could at least PRETEND to give a damn. She brushed against him, finally getting his attention.

"Oh! Yeah, that looks really nice on you!" He replied, he took a moment to take in the sight before him. That blouse did look nice on her. Laura noticed the goofy look on his face and figured that that was her cue to use her feminine charm.

"Hey, Andrew...I really like this blouse but...I'm a little tight on-"

"Forget it." 'Damn, that was fast!' Laura thought to herself, Andrew's cheapness knew no bounds. Laura figured that if her own flirting couldn't get to him, maybe a little help would. Laura activated her succubus soul and immediately felt herself becoming more seductive.

"Andrew...look how easy it was for me to put this on, I bet it's just as easy to take back off..." Laura cooed, sliding one of the shoulder straps down. She had tried to put on a sexy face for Andrew, and apparently it was working. After a bit of stammering, Andrew finally spoke up.

"Well I guess if you want it that badly, okay. Anything for my cute little Laura!" He exclaimed happily, though the look on his face suggested he was in a trance. Laura had to admit she felt a little bad, but the blouse she was wearing gave her enough reason to get over it.

Soon the two came over to the electronics section, Laura had a shopping cart filled with new clothes she had seduced out of Andrew, while he just followed along with a dazed look on his face. Laura found a camera she had her eye on for a while, and proceeded to use her charm.

"Wow what a nice camera...hey, Andrew? I think you could use a new wallpaper for your cell phone. I'll let you pick the outfit...assuming you want me to wear one, of course." Laura said quietly, close enough where Andrew could feel her breath on his ear. He nodded like a madman, forgetting the fact that his phone had a camera on it anyway. Laura giggled at the current situation, without the succubus soul she would have NEVER gotten these things out of Andrew. So Laura thought it was time to go for the big one, the soul eater ring. If she had that she would have no trouble collecting the souls she needed.

"Andrew...doesn't this ring look useful? I could get so many souls with it...but I'm really intrigued by the thought of you putting a ring on my finger...makes you think, huh?" She muttered, taking his face in her hand. Andrew, in his hypnotized state, picked up the ring and added it to the things Laura had seduced...err...asked him to buy her.

After the two had paid, and when I say 'two' I mean 'Andrew', they returned to HQ. Kokoro was confused at the sight in front of her. Laura was happily humming to herself while Andrew carried bags of who knows what with a dazed look on his face.

"Laura? What's going on here?" She asked.

"Oh, we just went a little shopping is all." Laura explained, Kokoro groaned loudly in response.

"More like you went a little gold digging. What did you do to him?" She asked with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"I just used a new soul is all, oh wait...I still need to release him from the hypnosis." Kokoro slapped her own forehead, this was ridiculous. She was going to comment on how messed up that was but she noticed Laura going through the bags.

"Here, I got you something too!" She said happily as she tossed Kokoro a new boomerang, as the one she was using was old and near breaking.

"Thanks...wow, this one even has blades on it..." She thanked Laura, thinking how much easier fighting would be once she blessed it. Laura nodded then took out a rather long slip of paper.

"What's that?" Kokoro asked her friend as she tore the thing to shreds.

"The receipt, NOW I'll break the trance." And with a quick snap of her fingers, Andrew was back to normal.

"What happened...? Why am I holding all of these bags?" He asked as he rubbed his head, trying desperately to remember something. Laura backed away towards the door, ready to make a break for it at any moment.

"Now I remember...Laura was asking me about this blouse and...HEY!" Andrew exclaimed as he felt his pockets, they were oddly light, much lighter than he had remembered them.

"Um, babe?" Laura asked cutely while Andrew tried to make sense of what happened. She continued when he looked up with a shocking look of realization on his face.

"Remember when I asked which did you care about more, me or your money?" She asked sheepishly. Andrew slowly nodded, taking a stance like runners do before a mad dash. Kokoro sighed and got out of the way, she wasn't one to get involved in a lover's spat, and she had to play...err...practice with her new boomerang.

"Well now you don't have to choose anymore!" She said happily, though she was sweating. Andrew glared at her with a look that spelled death, and the blouse Laura was wearing wasn't helping...as she still hadn't cut off the price tag. 3,000 for a stupid piece of cloth wasn't worth it, he thought. His gaze suddenly turned to what was left of the receipt, the bottom half of course. His eyes widened when he saw the grand total.

"476,842? LAURA!"" He shouted, turning to our beloved heroine. Or he would have if she was still there. While Andrew was sobbing on the ground, muttering something about how women always find a way to make him go broke, Laura had hightailed it to the balcony. Boneson, Kokoro, and even Justice let out a sad sigh at the display. Kokoro patted Andrew on the back, saying it was his fault for letting his guard down. When he cried louder Boneson brought her over to the side.

"Perhaps that was not the best choice of words, Lady Kokoro." He explained before pointing at the poor, broken man. He had gone fetal position and began sucking his thumb.

"Whatever Laura did to get him to get him to buy her all of that stuff must have been pretty convincing...oh well, at least I got a new boomerang! Thanks Andrew!" Kokoro said, petting Andrew on the head, only getting him to cry again. She ran off to test out her new toy...weapon. Yeah, it's a weapon.


End file.
